Today I woke up and Kyle continued to be in Scotland. This shit has been going on for over a month now.
I've taken consuming his consumables in an effort to coax him back over the Atlantic. A famous hunter - Hemingway maybe - was said to speed up the process of stalking an animal by stealing the animal's cubs. The mother would then come rumbling over into his waiting rifle. I am adopting a similar strategy with Kyle. By drinking his tea, smashing his guitars, and rubbing my balls all over his room, I hope to stir up a sense of urgency in him that will send him back into my life.
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